Birthdays

My birthday is very soon.

About 25 hours away, in fact.

But honestly, it doesn't feel like it at all.

Last year, I had a mid-life crisis when it came to my birthday, because there was all this stuff I had expected to have done by that age, and I hadn't. I felt like my life was just quickly getting eaten up and vanishing.

The year before felt like my birthday was totally ignored (I really didn't end up doing anything at all) and it actually felt more like a pain than anything else.

Honestly, I don't think I really care anymore.

I mean, there's nothing special about my birthday this year, except that I'll be in my 20's. But that really isn't exciting. I mean, everyone I hang out with is turning 21 or 22. It's nothing new. Especially since I've been estimating my age at 20 (for the purpose of certain awkward situations) for a while now. And my sister has referred to me as her "20-year-old college sister" ever since I graduated high school (I was 17), because it sounded more impressive.

So this year is just kinda like "oh, finally, I'm technically my age."

Honestly, birthdays stopped being really cool a long time ago.
Well, not that long. 16 excited me at the time. 18 excited me at the time too. But after that, I don't think it really matters. Maybe 21 will excite me. Although I kinda think it'll be another year of getting to technically be the age I feel.

When my family or friends ask me what I want for my birthday, I just give them a blank stare. I don't know what to say. There are some random things I could list. But unless you can already guess something, it'd probably just be easier for you give me cash and I'll just get it myself.
Kinda depressing, because I really do like surprises. But I mean, honestly.

I guess I kinda feel like 20 is SUPPOSED to be a semi-big deal. And I don't feel like it is.

I don't know if it's because I've said "Happy birthday" to someone almost every day for the last 2 weeks, and now it feels like it's just another average day. There was something magical about being younger and thinking that YOUR birthday was something special. That it ranked up there with major national holidays and that the world actually revolved around you for a day.
Maybe it's because 20 feels "SOOOoo last year".

I think, however, it's more likely that I feel this way because by the time you're turning 20, you actually have other things going on (well, it depends on the individual. But for me. 'You' really me 'I'). Other stresses, other worries - things that don't take the day off. And you put the other things first and move on.

So here's to being so old that birthdays aren't a very magical concept, feel randomly thrown into your routine, and you really couldn't care less.