Triggers

I don't know if it's because I'm emotionally drained and beaten.
I don't know if it's because I keep forgetting to eat. (although, seeing as I had a good dinner just before this happened, I doubt it)
I don't know if it's because I'm stressed.

But I reacted way more dramatically than I should've earlier.

See, I have this habit of putting pins on my bags. And if I have a bunch on, I always count the number on my bag whenever I'm about to leave someplace so I can make sure none of the buttons/pins fell off. I only had 2 pins on my bag today. One was the Moxie bottle-cap pin I made. The other was a Little Mermaid pin I bought at Disneyland a while ago. (It was adorable. It was a round little button-pin with purple polka dots, and a black background, and Ariel was playing with Flounder.)

When I walked into the Caf for dinner, I had both pins. When I got up from the table, my Little Mermaid pin was gone. And I looked all around for it, and I couldn't find it. And, well, I guess I technically acted fine. I acted slightly miffed, but, hey, c'est la vie. That's NOT how I felt.

I felt pissed. I mean, REALLY pissed. I was mad at the chick who was sitting at the table next to mine, who must've knocked the pin off. Or stolen it. It was a pretty dang fantastic pin.
Then I just started to feel really upset and depressed. And I wanted to cry. It was gone. All the while I knew it was really dumb of me. That pin had no sentimental value. It only had cost me like $1.50 or something in the first place. There's a good chance that there's still more at Disneyland, if I really wanted the pin back that badly. It was just something cute I liked; nothing more.
But I still felt really upset. But then I started to feel really disoriented. Confused. Overwhelmed. And it's not that I was confused about how upset I was. I was just confused and disoriented in general.

I think that the little thing of loosing a stupid pin was a trigger for the other things I'm upset about. For the experience of loss in general. I'm not going to excuse the absurd, over-the-top way I felt about loosing the pin. And I really don't care that much about it (Although, hey, if you happen to see it around campus, you could always pick it up for me...along with the tool-gizmo that I lost off my keychain).

I find it strange how life can feel so normal, and yet so...not. Like the day can actually be pretty good, but something like that happens and I feel like I've been thrown for a loop. I feel very scatterbrained. And I don't like that feeling at all.

(Oh, on the plus side, I actually found my charm bracelet. Which is really much more important, seeing as I can't actually replace that. And it has sentimental value. And some charms that are totally irreplaceable - like the Liberty Head Dime from my Great-Grandmother's charm bracelet. I really just have been loosing a lot of things lately...)