It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
If you were a cowboy dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would make you super mad if you looked back and he was reading a magazine.
Ten thousand pairs of underwear were stolen early this morning. The police are making a brief enquiry.
On a bumper sticker: "Support your local rescue squad. Get lost."
To me, boxing is a bit like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers punch each other in the face.
Today I lit a big scented vanilla candle and ran around the house in my socks singing "it's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas."
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
Today I bought a flash drive. It took me 20 minutes to get it outta the stupid package. Sweet.
Today I was doing laundry and a bar of soap fell onto the floor. I ran to the sink to wash it off. Then I realized it was soap.
I am no longer a "pirate who don't do anything" because I've now officially been to Boston in the fall.
I got angry when my cell phone battery died. My counselor suggested I find an outlet.
My dad and I both love sunflowers seeds. I am a spitting image of my father.
If you break a string on your guitar... don't fret.
I just realized that the UPS delivery guy has UPS emblems on his socks. I am inordinately entertained by this observation
One time I ordered pizza. The delivery guy said "Mmm, it smells good" as he handed it to me. I said "You too!" by accident. It was awkward.
My best friend went on vacation to Dubai. I tried to pack myself into a suitcase. I could hardly contain myself.
2 comments:
Are all those lines from owl city songs that I for some odd case haven't heard yet?
No, haha. They are Owl City tweets - some of the posts Owl City has put on Twitter. He makes me smile, so I thought I'd share some of his genius :)
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