All I Wanted

I. Don't. Know. What. I. Think.

I used to be extremely romantic. And, to a certain extent, I still am. But, here's the thing. I used to have very specific ideas about love.

Like Disney princesses, you find Charming & get your kiss when you're 16. Mayyybeee 18.
Love at first sight. Well, not real Love. But Attraction and Interest at first sight. Even if that manifests itself in 'hate' at first sight (which still expresses interest). Real Love comes with time.
Everyone has one true love. Two people were made specifically for each other.

And now I don't know what I think.

Like, seriously, what is love?

It seems that you have to be great friends. And there's attraction. But, what else? Is it just the right timing? Is there some other ingredient that goes in there?

And I'm old enough to know that love isn't just a magical thing that happens.

So if there isn't 'one true love' out there, then it feels like I would just be settling for someone to love. Like I'm not a boastful person, but I want someone who is absolutely amazing. And that isn't going to be just anyone. It would have to be someone extremely special. But if that amazing, special someone doesn't exist? If there isn't true love? Then why would I ever get married? Why would I ever want anything to do with 'romance'? Because I would just be settling.

And if people aren't made specifically for each other, and they could potentially fall in love with anyone, where's the spark? I mean, I might as well have an arranged marriage.

Because if I just try and work at it, love would eventually come. I supposed the romance would be that out of anyone in the whole entire world, they choose you. And that's huge. Like. HUGE.

They could marry ANYONE in the whole world and they choose YOU.

But why did they choose to love? What pushed them to decide that they would want to spend the rest of their life pursuing you and being with you? I don't see anything about me that makes me better than any other girl in the world. So why would someone amazing enough to be someone I could adore, choose me? Just because? They could just change their mind at any moment and leave.